The First Dog (2)

More about Bo. It's disturbing news, I'm afraid. Look away now if you are shocked by mental cruelty to innocent animals.

First, Bo was a gift from Sen. Edward Kennedy, who, I imagine, knew the value of a dog that could swim when you needed it to and then say nothing to the press.

Second, my correspondent Cheech tells me that the flower garland round our friend's neck, which I described as a lei in honour of the President, is in fact 'a "Rainbow Coalition" Collar provided by either the Gay lobby or Jessie Jackson.'

This dog needs our help.

We need to get someone inside the White House as a Dog Trainer, but training Bo to do the things that dogs do, like dig up flower beds, pee on the Oval Office carpet and quietly puke in front of visiting sycophants like Gordon Brown.

Memo to First Dog

Bad start: Bo as in Diddly rather than Beau as in Geste. OK, you've been cruelly uprooted from your native cork forests (I assume Portuguese water dogs come from Portugal, unlike Yorkshire terriers which come from London and German Shepherds which come from Essex), cruelly uprooted, I say, but that is no reason to allow yourself to be photographed wearing a Hawaiian lei and being patronised by all and sundry.

Any dog worth his salt would have eaten those flowers, in front of the cameras, dug a hole in the White House lawn and bitten a security guard.

Go to it, Bo.