Hip-Hop Balls

An unpleasant if confusing little fracas on BBC Radio 1 teaches us something of British Politics. The dramatis personae, a cast guaranteed to send shivers up your spine, are Ed 'Blinky' Balls, described as Schools Secretary (he is in fact the Prime Minster’s Economics Adviser but uses this nom de guerre) an unmarried mother and N-Dubz.

Oh all right. N-Dubz are a hip-hop band consisting of Mr Hudson (I like this formality, which seems to have gone out with the Beatles), Fazer, Dappy and Tulisa, the last two, interestingly, children of the engagingly named Byron Contostavlos, who sang ‘In the Summertime’ with Mungo Jerry when the world was a happier place.

What? Oh, Ok then. Hip-hop comes from 1970s (nothing to do with Mungo Jerry, though) New York and purports to be a popular culture. The music involves repeats of a percussive pattern, overlaid by rap. Groovy, baby.

Anyway, our story concerns a Radio 1 show where a young lady called Chloe ‘phoned in to describe the band as ‘losers’ and Dappy, in particular, as ‘a little boy with a silly hat’. The aggrieved Dappy (Dino Contostavlos, son of the late Byron) obtained her ‘phone number and texted “Your (sic) gonna die, U sent a very bad msg towards N Dubz on The Chris Moyels show yesterday Morning and for that reason u will never be left alone!! If u say sorry I will leave u alone u ****." I’m afraid I really don’t know what the asterisks stand for.

Now the political context. Ed Balls, the Children’s Economic Adviser, said ‘This text message was completely unacceptable and it is right that he has not only apologised, but accepted there was no excuse for his behaviour. Every form of bullying must be stamped out.’

Wonder why this incident should receive the attention of the Puerility Minister and would be premier? Well, Mr Balls had recently used N-Dubz, Dappy y inclus, to launch a campaign against bullying.

The answer, or moral, is simple. People have a wrongly sentimental attitude towards children. In fact they’re shits, and bullying is, and always has been, rife. There is nothing a government can do to change this. It is the job of parents and teachers and older children to stop it. It is a foolish government which thinks it can make an ‘initiative’ out of bullying (of course it’s just for vote winning, not for helping the country) and typical of New Labour that they should try to look all trendy by getting Dappy and his ilk on stage with them, rather than work quietly behind the scenes to achieve their aims.

The other moral is: let’s sell off Radio 1 which has no place in the public broadcast sector.

By the way, Dappy’s father was far more contentious:

‘...do a ton or a ton and twenty-five
Have a drink, have a drive
Go out and see what you can find’

Now that's naughty.