Annabel and the Chookie

It seems a new tartan has been created for the Pope’s visit to Scotland. The carefully designed pattern blends white and yellow (the colours of the Vatican), white and blue (the colours of Scotland), white and red (the colours of the arms of John Henry Newman, who will be beatified by Pope Benedict XVI during the visit), and green for the lichens growing on the stones at Whithorn, site of St. Ninian's church (the Pope arrived in Scotland on St Ninian’s day).

The plaid will be an heirloom of the McRatzinger clan for generations (surely he hasn’t got any children? Ed.)

Prince Philip, known in those parts as Chookie Enbra, was among the jamboree, having been sent to collect the Pope from the airport. We have heard little from this wonderful man for a bit, but he seemed to be on prime form. Noticing several of the great and good were wearing ties of the material, His Royal Highness zoomed unerringly on to the leader of the Scottish Tories, Annabel Goldie, and asked, in view of the fact she wasn’t wearing a tie, whether she was wearing knickers made of the tartan. The 60 year old spinster’s stuffed frog reply, that she couldn’t discuss the matter and in any case it would be inappropriate to show them, just made it one of those classic moments.

McRatzinger has now come down to meet the agressive new atheism south of the border.