Paddington

The Times has suggested he must be our most famous Peruvian immigrant (forgetting Joan Collins' husband Percy and Mario Vargas Llosa)

but can't people see? Or is this a nationwide conspiracy? 'Paddington' is pictured with a jar of Marmite, when everyone knows he lives off marmalade sandwiches. This is a fake, a base, cunning creature taking advantage of the weak immigration laws to impersonate a well known and much respected figure. There must be public outrage, steps must be taken.......