A very happy new year to everyone. I am always optimistic at this time of year, although it tends not to last too long. Here are 8 things I'd like to see in 2008. I have excluded my winning the lottery, producing one of the greatest wines ever made and winning the Booker Prize for my novel. I don’t know why – these look equally far-fetched
1. At least one, better two, candidates in the US Presidential race that can be respected. Hillary looks dishonest, Obama lightweight, Huckabee and Romney mad, Giuliani shifty.
2. A new constitutional settlement involves HM The Queen abdicating in favour of Prince Charles, redefining our relationship with Europe, installing the referendum as the natural arbiter of constitutional change and disestablishment of the Church of England (a move initiated by the Church to distinguish it from the dross running the country)
3. Italy opts for a workable voting system which does not produce governments with different policies than the voters were presented with, and permits parliamentary majorities to implement them.
4. Australian independence to coincide with allowing one hand one bounce in cricket
5. Discussion of climate change turns to helping those people whose lives will be ruined by it, rather than persecuting those who drive cars and carry their shopping in plastic bags.
6. Further widening of the Freedom of Information Act. Why did I have to wait 30 years to learn Mrs Thatcher was locked in the lavatory in an American hotel?
7. The BBC is restricted to being a public service broadcaster. Jonathan Ross is knighted for resigning from the BBC in the public interest. Jamie Oliver knighted for services to chickens.
8. Belgium accepts the game is up, but cuts a deal where they throw in Luxembourg, the French get all the chocolate they can eat but Albert II becomes King of Greater France. Brussels becomes the independent Republic of Moules-Frites.
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