Burns Night

Today is the 250th Anniversary of the birth of Robert Burns. We are informed that it will be a celebration of Scottish culture.

Scottish WHAT?

Although seemingly thought by much of the British press to be Jewish, ‘Rabbi’ Burns was in fact a Lowland tax inspector, ratting on his countrymen to glean more money for the English.

My late mother claimed to be Scottish (as Lou Reed said, ‘you can’t always trust your mother’), but there will be no celebration here in Umbria for this turncoat, with morose, self-indulgent Scot-mongrels like me cross dressing, eating lamentable food, drinking spirits during dinner and reciting third rate poetry in a cod Lowland accent. The whole damn thing really ought to stop and be replaced by a celebration of James Watt who at least did something useful.

‘Oh wad some power the giftie gie us
To see oursel's as others see us’

And real men eat offal unadulterated by oatmeal.