Gideon 'George' Osborne, Chancellor of the Exchequer, having composed a budget designed to keep his party out of power for a generation, slipped into it that a new tax would be payable on a hot Cornish pasty but not on a cold one (the assumption being that you buy the cold one an take it home and cook it, so it isn't a takeaway meal). How a supposedly intelligent man got caught up in this twaddle escapes me, but people started accusing the government of not being in sympathy with the pasty eating classes.
The Prime Minister, abandoning all reason, started to ascribe working class credentials to himself (cor, guvnor, nuffink like a pasty and no mistake!') and talked of his passion for the food, thrilling his audience with the story of him eating one in a railway station last year. Unfortunately on the occasion he described the shop had already been closed for four years and so people doubted his tale.
In the meantime the Cabinet Office Minister, poor Angus Maude's son, advised people threatened with petrol shortages to fill a Jerry can. He probably didn't know this, but it is illegal to store more than 10 litres of petrol in two 5L canisters, so an idiot debate started as to the size of Jerry can, and whether it meant that Mr Maude was posh if he didn't know.
I've said it before, the presentational wheels have come off this government and something needs fixing.
Back to the caviar, Cameron!
For readers of this blog, however, the solution is at hand. Make your own pasty!
500g flour, 250g lard (yuk), an onion, a swede, a potato and 200g finely chopped or minced beef.
Put a pinch of salt in the flour, rub in the lard, add water and roll out the pastry into a circle. One one side put the finely chopped onion, parboiled potato and swede chopped finely and the meat, salt and pepper and fold over the edge to make a D shape. Crimp the edges together, poke a hole with a knife to stop it exploding and bake in a hot oven until the pastry is golden. Eat warm, making rude gestures towards Downing St.