06 September, 2010

She speaks (of course)

We shall never know if Wayne Rooney was one of the footballers who obtained a super injunction against revelations of his private life, because we are not allowed to know; but today, by whatever means, his story is out. It seems that he saw a prostitute while his wife was pregnant and the hooker has of course sold her story to the tabloid press.

But the public embarrassment, followed by what must have been a difficult interview with his wife, is not all that was in store for Rooney. The tart says that the sex ‘felt seedy and became a bit samey. Wayne was really quite plain in his routine (routine!). He wanted straight sex with a little bit of naughty thrown in, but not too naughty’.

Plain in his routine. The great putdown. You can almost feel sorry for Rooney, one of the most tabloid-followed men in the world, who thought this would be a secret. He must have the practical intelligence of a wilted lettuce.

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