01 June, 2011

Stop Press: not the killer cucumbers!

News that 16 people in Europe have not been killed by cucumbers would not normally be cause for headlines, but people are still nervously awaiting test results to see what did cause the E.coli outbreak.

My guess is it’s the bratwurst.

Whenever there is a warm spring the Northern European man dusts off his barbecue and plays the manly host to friends and family. He thinks he is taking the pressure off his wife to cook, but in fact she is consumed with nervous tension as everyone is ill afterwards.

It may have come as a surprise that there have been several cases in England. In fact, purchases of salad vegetables are higher there than almost anywhere else, but the bits of lettuce and tomato are seen as a garnish. No one told the British male that you could eat this stuff.

Almost the whole of Southern Spain is now under glass so that they can produce spring vegetables and salads for those in cooler climes. The Spanish are rightly demanding compensation after destroying tons of salad, but they shouldn’t hope for much. The British were entitled to compensation after the French illegally banned British meat, but never received a penny.

How long before someone blames globalisation?

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