The BBC

Whoever it is who makes appointments to the BBC is said to be looking for a replacement for Mark Thompson, the current director general.

OK. Since you beg. I'll do it.

And in accordance with Dave's interference policy in people's salaries, I won't need Thompson's £670,000 salary. In fact I'll do it pro bono publico. For zilch.

And here is my manifesto.

1. Public service broadcasting means doing things which need to be done but which the private sector won't do. So it doesn't involve long running soap operas and it doesn't involve reality TV, because the others do those things, too.

2. Unlike the Prime Minister, I have no objection to the talent-free Jonathan Ross earning £6m a year. Somewhere else. And I don't know if Des O'Connor is still looking for work but the answer's no.

3.There would be one BBC News service with a vast number of outlets. It would feed reporting to National and local TV and Radio, the website, the World Service. Large events such as the Olympics would not have representatives of each of these jostling with each other.

4. Apart from the news, the BBC would just be commissioning programmes, not making them.

5. There would only be a need for 2 TV channels (one news and politics, one culture) and two radio (essentially Radio 3 and Radio 4) and the World Service, which would be expanded but just called the BBC.

6. The BBC would not be judged on how many viewers and listeners it got relative to the private sector, but on the quality of the service.

7. The fantastic cost savings entailed would enable the licence fee to be cancelled. The BBC would be set up as an independent trust, serviced by the return on a government endowment, sale of London property and income from programme resales abroad. People in other countries would have full access to the BBC for a subscription.

8. Anyone with an obvious political bias - Andrew Marr is an immediate example but believe me there are plenty of others, including the euro-loony chairman of the BBC Trust, Chris Patten and his deputy Diane Coyle - would be fired.

When do I start?