St Joanna

There is a campaign in the Independent promoted by Joanna Lumley against battery eggs, with Good Egg awards to people and businesses she likes and Rotten Eggs (Watch out!) for people she doesn’t.

Much though I like the idea of supporting something with Miss Lovely on board I can’t help wondering how this is going to resonate outside the rarefied atmosphere of the Independent. We must use eggs from more humane systems, and watch out for cakes, flans and custards: ‘hidden eggs are easy to miss!’, admonishes Nanny Joanna.

And this is the point, isn’t it? She wants more humane systems but hens aren’t humans, are they, Joanna darling? And free range eggs are too expensive for poor people, didn’t you know? And the idea that, while Britain is increasing taxes on the poor and there is no petrol, we should go chasing round supermarkets asking how the eggs in Bird’s Custard were produced, is detached from reality. Which is what rich actresses tend to be.

And, sorry to say this Jo-lovey, but I am getting a little bit fed up with celebrities telling me how to lead a better life, particularly after we found out that Sting and his rather peculiar wife, while lecturing us on being greener and better, think nothing of jumping on a plane whenever it suits them, because it is supposed to be me, not them, who saves the planet.

A plague on the lot of them, Sting, Lumley and the ghastly self-important Bono. Stick to what you do best, which isn’t being normal.